America is in bad shape if the financial success of this movie reflects today's high school culture: sexual activity without marriage, crude pictures on the walls, vulgar language, a girl smoking a pipe, unattractive clothes, uncombed hair, enjoyment of slasher movies and weird music, and marriage breakup.

The movie, directed by Rob Reiner, was written by Justin Zackham, who must be very optimistic indeed if he doesn't know that there is nothing like a serious illness to bring you to the end of sitcom cliches. I've never had chemo, as Edward and Carter must endure, but I have had cancer, and believe me, during convalescence after surgery the last item on your bucket list is climbing a Himalaya. Your list is more likely to be topped by keeping down a full meal, having a triumphant bowel movement, keeping your energy up in the afternoon, letting your loved ones know you love them, and convincing the doc your reports of pain are real and not merely disguising your desire to become a drug addict. To be sure, the movie includes plenty of details about discomfort in the toilet, but they're put on hold once the trots are replaced by the globe-trotting.

There's been a fair amount of media buzz lately about upscale theaters with fancy food and bars and so on, charging a premium ticket price. I'll stick with my popcorn and soda, but this does give me an idea.

I'll tell you right now, theater owners: I WILL PAY A PREMIUM TO NOT WATCH ADS BEFORE THE MOVIE. I'll pay enough to cover your lost revenuefrom Coca-Cola. If there were two theaters, and one was, say, a $9 ticket and one was $12, but had no ads, I would go to the $12 theater EVERY SINGLE TIME.

(Note: I also mailed this to Roger Ebert. I'm hoping he'll publish it in his Ask The Answer Man column.)